Why

I was doing a Bible Study called Take Courage by Jennifer Rothchild, the study talks about the book of Haggai. How we can be strong in troubling times. Today's lesson was about Haggai 2:11-14.

The Jewish people were building a temple towards God, but their efforts were in vain. God was displeased with them, because the true purpose was not to give God the glory. 

1 Samuel 16:7 says ( in my words) Do not judge based on appearance or standing because God sees the heart. That we are to not make judgements because of what we think about someone. Now if you're like me, the first thought is I don't do that…. Then I remembered that just this morning, I went to my daughter's school and as I am standing beside the principal, who I judge all the time, because my first encounter was not what I expected with him. I was late picking up my daughter and He said nicely to be earlier. I let that one comment control forever how I feel about this man. I have heard amazing things about him, but my selfish mind relates him to that one bad comment. Let me clarify I know I took what he said the wrong way, this man did absolutely nothing wrong. Do I know this man's heart? NO! Is he a nice man? Yes! It doesn't change how I feel about this man that I have not even talked to. Can you relate? 

Psalms 51:6 says ( in my words) I delight in the truth, so I can have true wisdom in my heart. I am delighted… Those words hit me hard. I do not always want to come read my Bible, nor do I want to do the Bible Study, talk to people about it, or even be social. I would much rather be cuddled up in a Hallmark movie with and entire pack of oreos and a cup of milk. Do I delight in waking up early to make time to spend in my Quiet Place ( Sarah Schuman: sit still now my daughter)? NO, I am stubborn and lazy and want things done my way. 

Hosea 6:6 says ( in my own words) I burn for God's mercy and love to know Him because I love Him, not just to be marked safe or check off. What a heavy concept to hold on to. I burn.. this means that I crave, I am addicted to, deeply want. God's love and mercy not blessings and gifts.. because I know Him. To truly know Him as a friend, a father, a savior, not just someone I know of, but a relationship. Because I Love Him. You have to know Him before you can love Him.  

The question is: Do I crave to know God with pure intentions? Why?

Now you see why I started to write. I have been praying about whether I should start a blog ( Do people even read blogs anymore?) I asked God if this is what He wants me to do. I have always asked God but then went and done my own thing, never waited for an answer. I am impatient that way. I say God here and put the idea or problem back in my pocket, because I like control. Working on it. Still, hints that I am typing out, google word paper, not a blog but I am still writing it out as if it was a blog. I can think through words, if you know, you know kind of thing.

So why do I want to start a blog?

1. I think through words, writing it out

2. I love to share what I have learned with others

3. I get to be alone but share my heart, vulnerability is easier in words

These are all logical answers, but as I write it out, look at all the I statements. Am I doing this to bring God the glory? Seems like an easy answer, of course. Then why wasn't it my number 1.

Doing a good thing for wrong reasons is still wrong, refer back to the beginning of this paper. For this reason, I wait, I have not posted or shared this with anyone yet. I want to make sure that my intentions are more important than the initiative. 

10/14/24: Today I post this that I wrote on Sept 25. I know now since writing this that sometimes our fear can hold us back. We say that we are waiting on God, but we are too afraid to just blindly trust. Jump. Go for it. Hebrews 11:1 "Faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen". This verse is often described as blind belief, but it actually describes faith based on God's past actions, the promises to always be on our side fighting. Don't let fear hold you back, know that God is fighting for you, trust his will and just do it.

Work is hard, but it's even harder on your own. Let God lead you in EVERY decision. This is easier said than done, but that is the reason for faith, complete trust. 

Do you know God? 

Does He lead every decision?

Do you wait on the Lord?

Why do you do whatever it is you do? 

Dear most gracious father,

I know that you are forgiving, loving, merciful even though I do not deserve you. I am a sinner, I judge, I am selfish. I do not see people the way you do. I do not know the entire picture, I do not have all the details. I do not always put you first like I should with a pure heart. God, I pray that you can forgive me, I pray that you can use me. I pray that I can trust and keep my faith as I wait for an answer on what I am to do next. I know you work all things together for good. I know you are always with me in the good and bad times, that you will never forsake me or lead me down troubling paths. I pray that I can touch and change lives, that my words save, but God I pray I do it through you, not on my own will or selfish, prideful desire. You know my heart and I pray that you would search me and see my intentions and make them known to me, I pray you will make your plans known to me for my life. You say that if we ask you will make your plans known to us. You tell us to not worry or stress but to  pray in all situations. I believe in you and I know that your ways are better than mine. I thankful for whatever it is that you will use me for and until then I pray your will be done. In Jesus Name, Amen.

Hannah Austin 9/25/24 @ 10 am

Posted 10-25-24