Waiting

I have started a new Bible Study by Kelly Minter about Ruth. This is only day one and wow how intense. I was so intrigued, I let my coffee get cold. I'm not sure how much time has passed. She talks about the backstory of Moab and Ben-ammi. This explains further into why there was a famine in the land in the time of Judges. Once I understood the backstory it brought so much more meaning to the pre-log of the actual story, as to why it all started. I have a tendency to jump to the good part, the dirty details, the juicy bits, the purpose of the topic and never really enjoy the reasoning of the small details. I feel like she just opened several mini books of Ruth inside my thought processes. Once I understood why the Israelites disobeyed God.

 I understood How God feels when we disobey him. Yes, this does mean when we go ahead of him, it's me I do that. God is a jealous God; He wants us all for himself. This means nothing above him, not even our own selfish desires, our own plan to "fix" the problem. This makes me think about my children. I know a typical mom, who only talks about her kids. The other day my daughter kept doing something I told her not to. I pulled the car over three times on the way home to spank her for the same thing. In the driveway she did the same thing again, by this time I was furious, this stubborn kid will not learn! This is how God feels with the Israelites, He has delivered them time and time again, yet they still disobey. I once again spank my daughter because I mean business type of mom. As I am reading this about the Israelites I think God is doing the same thing as I did with my child, disciplining. Then I start to think why do I discipline my child, because I want her to be an independent woman when she gets older. I see beyond her childhood. What she could turn out to be like if I didn't, the result of her life heading down the wrong path, and I want better for her. Same way with God. He has seen Hell. He knows what is in store for us if we do not repent and lean on him. He knows exactly who Satan is and what He plans on doing with us if we follow our own fleshly desires. God knows, do you understand the gravity of that statement? I have never been on fire, but I know that it would hurt. I have burnt my finger before so I know to keep away from hot surfaces. I will do all I can if my child went running into the middle of a fire pit to grab a toy. We are constantly running into danger, into sin, into Satan's traps. God has told us time and time again. We need to be punished, because no matter what the punishment is, it will be better than Hell. The alternative of us not being corrected by God. 

Sometimes God wants us to just think about what we are doing. He wants us to ask Him first. When I went to buy my house, I asked my mom to explain how it worked. I got my mom to talk to the loan officer because I knew I didn't understand all the legal talk. God knows we don't understand all the spiritual warfare. He knows that we need him, and yet we are constantly going off on our own to make decisions. I am preaching to myself at this moment. For me waiting is so hard, I am ready. I want to be used by God so bad. I have done good things because I thought it was from God. because I wanted it to be so badly that when it would fall apart, I would question God. Why? I never waited to see if it was from God, I never knew that's what he wanted. It looked good, sounded good, I was doing it. Sometimes God wants us to wait, His timing. 

In this bible study she asked, " How often do I want my circumstances to change when really God wants me to change?"  I had to reread that a couple of times. This is the entire purpose of waiting, to see what God wants. Understand the entirety of a situation is hard for us to do, the past matters and the details are important. God wants us to trust His timing. He knows what is in store for us when we go our own way. Just as we know that children should listen to their parents; we should be that eager to listen to God, even if that means waiting.

Dear Yahweh (God who has experienced)

You are the one who knows all. God, you teach us so much, even in the smallest of details. I thank you for the discipline. I thank you for correcting me and teaching me, so that I can become more like you. It is hard for me to admit that I don't know what I should do, that I do need you in every situation in my life, from the biggest to the smallest problems. I want to have control, but I have learned through your word that it is not ours to have, or fix. I thank you for your faithfulness to keep teaching and correcting me over and over. I thank you for saving me from Hell and the enemy's strategies. I pray that I can show others what you have taught me today, and that I can help others to see that it is your will that is best. I pray that as I continue in this study of Ruth that I can be more like you and remember these lessons in my everyday life. I thank you for seeing me, for caring enough to know me. That you see my heart and don't judge me based on my reactions or decisions. I thank you for your grace and your son who lived was dedicated to saving my soul. Jesus lived and died so that I can know you just as you know me, I am so blessed to be able to call you a loving father. I am so honored to be your child. Continue your work in me that you started, I know that you will finish what you start. I am waiting for your timing, I struggle with this and get excited but you know best. You know Yahweh. Breath of life. Your goodness amazes me and I am just in awe of your love. You never misjudge or have anger towards my mess ups, I can't even express my gratitude for just allowing me to be able to love you. God you deserve so much more than I can ever give, more than I am. I will never be able to repay you back, but you know that and you did it anyway. I thank you for being what is love and all that is good in my life. I praise you.Father, keep my eyes fixed on you and my heart eager to learn, allow my mind to be still and know that you are God, my God, My Father

In Jesus Name, Amen